At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
