This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
