Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she looked like the before picture.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
