So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize