am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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