My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I stole a fireplace last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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