It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
