Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
