Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
