You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize