He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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