WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
