This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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