I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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