girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
