oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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