Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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