if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
