This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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