Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
