Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize