Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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