Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
