I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
