Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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