R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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