I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
