i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
