We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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