Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
