Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
