My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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