He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
