ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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