and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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