i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
