i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
