New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
