i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think your dad took our porno
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
