i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
