She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
