And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize