She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
