I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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