I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
