Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
