question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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