he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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