I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
