There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize