So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
