Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
