this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They took my balls.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
