I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is Oprah even human
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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