you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
