I think i peed on brittanys purse
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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