his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
