And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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