Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
