What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I touched a dick in church today
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
