Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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