So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
