WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
