those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
