okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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