Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
