I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
