Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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