plz talk dirty to me
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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