How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
