I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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