Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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