Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
actually, I'm a sock model
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
