There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
