all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize