Don't you send me to vm
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
