Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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