I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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