I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
