you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
