We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
