Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
