We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
