Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
