Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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